I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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