Its about making memories worth repressing
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
