I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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