Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
