can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
