It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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