You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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