his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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