why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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