id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
