So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
