i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
