i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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