jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
