you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
