the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
