it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
