well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
