I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you didnt know i had herpes?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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