I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
