i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
