We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
