this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We talked him into tasing himself.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
