Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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