Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
