We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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