He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
