fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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