Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
