Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
