life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
