Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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