oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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