So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
