We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
