Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
