So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
