So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I could make wine with my vomit
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
