Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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