What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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