Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
