At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
