he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
