and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
