You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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