i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
