i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
