mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
