do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just wanna soil my oats bro
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
