Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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