I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
