If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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