i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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