tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
